Nigerian women and the culture of giving in relationships
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Written by Sopuruchukwu Egbodo @SopuruEgbodo
Giving is a willful and sacrificial act of sharing a section of what one has with others. It brings joy to the giver when done willingly. In human relationships (including heterosexual relationships), the act of giving is a way to express love, affection and compassion towards another. Naturally in marriage relationships, the male is the bread-winner and so is expected to shoulder much of the giving in the family.
In Nigeria however, giving in male-female relationships takes a different dimension. Most Nigerian women (especially the young) have made it a culture of sorts to be on the receptor side of the giving process even in casual heterosexual relationships. They strip giving of its sanctity and willing nature by applying emotional torture on men, through pestering and cajoling to receive from them, and any man who fails to succumb to such pressures is labeled stingy and considered persona non-grata. Worrying is the fact that such women are never ready to give to the giver at any point in time as they believe that, “Men should always give to women”. So even when they have enough money to buy things for themselves, they prefer to find a man to “Pest” on. That is greedy and selfish.
The truth is, men in relationships with women like to give and they also enjoy the accolades that come with their giving. That is one of the ways they express love, interest and affection for the females, but when a woman makes a culture of pressurizing a man to give & not reciprocating with gifts of her own, the opposites (Hate, disinterest and disaffection) gradually sets in. And many single ladies who would like to be married have lost many suitors this way.
Receiving and not giving in any heterosexual relationship makes the giving party feel unloved and used. It is like quenching a pile of burning charcoal with handfuls of water, gradually the embers will disappear. Like respect, love is reciprocal and any love not reciprocated dies.
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