African Men And Romance In Marriages
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| SUCF 2013 marriage seminar |
Sopuruchukwu Egbodo @SopuruEgbodo
In 2013 during a marriage seminar at the final year forum of the Scripture Union Campus Fellowship, University of Nigeria Nsukka, a sister had accused Christian (African) men of being too religious and non romantic in marriage relationships. That was the first time I heard the word romance in a Christian marriage seminar, so my body cringed with a combination of shame and astonishment. Shame because in Christian gatherings and African societies, such issues where not meant for public discussion, and astonishment because she went beyond the norm.
She went beyond the norm but she was absolutely right. I personally did not for once see or hear my father (An African man to the core) do or say romantic things to my mom till her death in 2015. He was always “Forming” boss. Don’t get me wrong, my dad is one of the best fathers the world over, but just like is characteristic of majority of African men, he just would not express his emotions openly.
An average African man is taught from childhood to be strong and not to outwardly express his inert feelings, that would make him look soft (They say) and softness is a feminine attribute. He is taught that there is pride in manhood, therefore issues such as romance in marriage relationships is a no-brainer for him. He should never say, “I am sorry” when he is wrong, and should not do dishes, that’s a woman’s work.
But just like cars function on gasoline or fuel, so do women function on romance. A man who is not being romantic to his wife is not enjoying the best of what she can offer, because a woman’s best can only be activated through romance.
If you are still wondering what it means, romance is when you call her sweet names like “Sweetheart”, take her out for treats, cuddle her, talk to her politely, give her a kiss or peck, hold her hand in public, that is romance and it doesn’t require rocket science to be romantic.
All it takes? A loosening of self and a swallowing of pride. Our “Grand” African fathers thought us wrongly. It is good to be strong, it is good to bottle-up emotions sometimes, but very insensitive and wrong to be un-romantic to your spouse. Everyone should know that.
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